Becoming untouchable
This week, I was in conversation with a coaching client who was reflecting on how badly she feels about herself when she doesn't complete certain tasks quickly. When I asked her why completing things quickly was important, she spoke about wanting to defy stereotypes and wanting to be seen as a professional. Her reflections gave me pause for two reasons.
The first is that our worth is not defined by how well we perform. We are worthy simply because we exist. No healthy person looks at a newborn and says they'll become worthy once they earn a six-figure income. Nope, Junior is loved and valued—spit up and all—simply because she exists. While it is a beautiful and fulfilling thing to excel in our work of choice and to master a skill set, doing so doesn't determine whether we are worthy of respect.
The second thing I thought of as I listened to my client is the reality that even if we do perform extraordinarily well, that doesn't mean people will respect us. As I wrote last week of Kamala Harris's presidential bid, despite her many professional accomplishments—lawyer, state attorney general, US Senator, and Vice-President of an entire nation—some questioned her qualifications and called her “unserious.” Despite her numerous accolades, a commentator and Democratic party operative went so far as to call Harris a “historic failure.” My guy, that's not what you said when she brought a billion dollars into Democratic coffers…but I digress. The point is this, no matter what we do, some people will view us through the narrow lens of their stereotypes, prejudices, fears, and expectations. You could do everything 100% correctly and still be deemed by others as “unserious.” These views could be based on anything from your age, race, gender, sexual orientation, accent, and nationality to your profession—as was the case with my client.
Other People's Perception Should Not Dictate Your Action
The good news is that changing other people's minds about who you are is not our responsibility. Our responsibility is to befriend the part of ourselves that knows, understands, and embodies our inherent worth and dignity. This is the part of ourselves that can release perfectionism and extend grace when we are later than we want to be with a particular task. This is the part of ourselves that may feel bad about how we performed a task but still value ourselves. This is the part of ourselves that understands that other people's perceptions of us don't have to dictate our actions. Rather, we can be guided by our purpose.
This is the part of ourselves that is sacred and untouchable. It is inviolable. It is sacrosanct.
Last week, as I watched Kamala Harris strut off the stage after giving her concession speech, arm in arm with her husband, I glimpsed that part of her that is sacrosanct. I saw it again a few days later in her laughter as a picture of her playing with her great-nieces appeared on my timeline. It was a reminder that being in touch with that part of ourselves—the part that no outside circumstance can diminish—is essential if we are to have the courage to take risks, pursue our dreams, and rest.
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