The Cost of Comparison

I've been finalizing the rebrand of Obenewa Amponsah & Associates. It's been an opportunity to revisit the original vision, reflect on how it's grown, and to communicate that evolution visually. Part of the process meant studying other brands for inspiration, and that's when I was reminded of how important it is—as an entrepreneur, and really as any professional—to guard against comparison. As Iyanla Vanzant points out, "comparison is an act of violence against the self."

The first time I remember comparing myself to other entrepreneurs was early in my business journey. If you follow her, you'll know that Chrissy Teigen—when she's not making mogul moves with her family—spends a lot of time in her bathrobe eating. So basically, on weekends, I am her. 

One day, I saw that she had posted some reels that were cute, funny, and sleek. For ages. I told myself, “I need to learn how to make videos like that.” And for ages I didn't. When I saw Chrissy's videos, I made the mistake of comparing myself. The comparison didn't just make me feel bad about my failed attempts—it had me feeling bad about myself. The conversation in my head went quickly from “I suck at this” to “I suck.” (And yes, my inner critic can be vicious ).

Fortunately, awareness kicked in, and I asked myself, “Why am I comparing myself to Chrissy Teigen?” I am not a multimillionaire (yet!) with a full-fledged media department. I am a small business owner with a micro—but brilliant—team of associates, learning every day. So while I can enjoy and be inspired by her videos, I shouldn't compare myself to her. 

While my Chrissy moment may sound extreme, the truth is that comparison shows up in everyday ways for all of us. In my coaching practice, I hear it all the time:

• "I wish I could speak like her."

• "I wish I could lead like her."

• "I wish I looked like her."

• "I wish my house was as organized as hers."

• "I wish I made as much money as she does."

• "I wish my relationship was like hers."

Whether it's our work, our looks, or our lives, the comparison loop is familiar to so many of us. Too often, admiration tips into comparison. We commit this act of violence against ourselves without even noticing.

So what do we do when we realize what we're doing?

We reframe the conversation—to acknowledge our aspirations, honor our efforts, and respect our journey.

For me, this looks like replacing:

• “I can't do it” with “I'm still learning.”

• “I'll never” with “I haven't yet.”

• “I don't have time” with “It's not a priority.”

• “I wish I had more” with “I'm so grateful.”

• “No one likes it” with “It's not for everyone.”

These perspectives help me move from comparison to inspiration. And if comparison is something you struggle with, I invite you to pause and ask: what would it look like to reframe instead? If you'd like some support in that, consider whether coaching might help. You're welcome to book a discovery call with me anytime.